im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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