the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
