If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
