No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize