We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So much Jack, so little girl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
