i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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