mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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