I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
