I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
