Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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