All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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