the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
