that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
