Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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