Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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