a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
