I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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