You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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