Who did Billy Mays play for?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
