2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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