we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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