Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
