WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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