I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
