you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
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half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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