Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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