i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
