Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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