I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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