Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
