just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
