Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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