I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
