he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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