Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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