the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
