So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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