i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
