So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
