I'm gonna have a badass scar
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
