yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
