Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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