I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
