The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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