Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
