Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
