I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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