She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
