Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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