you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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