i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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