if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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