HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
