im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
