East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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