I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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