How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
