I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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