I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
