my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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