Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
