how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
