My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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