I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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