Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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