anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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