Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
