You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
