i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
