she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
