I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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